Good Deeds
Have you ever realized how big of a factor, competition plays in your life? There used to be a time whenever competition brought out the absolute worst in me. When I went to the gym I was always competing with the person that was on the treadmill next to me. They were not knowingly a part of this competition, but in my mind if I didn’t run more than them, I wasn’t doing good enough. If I pulled into the school parking lot in a car that wasn’t the newest and better model then the one parked next to me, my car wasn’t good enough. If I showed my test grades to the girl sitting at my table in class and she scored higher, I wasn’t smart enough. There’s something about life that makes us immensely stressed about our worth. People go to extreme measures to meet extreme standards that society has set. Humans are known to have a competitive culture, especially with a society like the one we live in today. But why do people constantly feel the need to measure up, to be “the best version of themselves”?
Whenever it comes to these moments that feel like failures, the embarrassment and insecurity would overcome me. The thought of “you’re not good enough” was on repeat in my mind. Those 4 words replayed in my head all. day. long. And with every task I did, I was competing to be the best. It was like this unhealthy obsession. Even if there was no one else to compete with, I tried to one up myself. There’s something about the satisfaction of winning that people can’t get enough of. It’s the same idea of when you do something good for someone else. When you donate, help a friend out, serve in your community, the win that you get out of that experience is self glorification. When we do things that make us feel better about ourselves, whether it’s winning or doing a good deed, we feel good enough.
If someone asked me what the most influential moment in my life was, I would honestly tell you the moment I found church. I very strongly believe that everyone is allowed to have their own beliefs, that’s not to say that I don’t want everyone to believe in god, because i truly do but I think it’s important for everyone to believe what they want. In high school I found myself going to youth services at church with my friends. Every sunday night we would all go to service together and then go to small group. At first it was just another reason to hang out with my friends but it slowly became more than that. Whenever I was in middle school, I remember religion being this sort of competition. People were so passionate about the church that they went to, they believed it was the “best” church and that the only way to be loved by God was to be a part of church. I even had someone tell me that I wasn’t a christian because I didn’t even go to church. There was something that sparked in me whenever they said that to me. Suddenly i had wanted to be a part of church and devote myself to a church because I so badly wanted to be this amazing christain like everyone else. It was like if i didn’t follow the rules, like going to church every single sunday, I would never be good enough for God.
After being at this church for a few months I started to serve in the elementary school ministry areas. It didn’t last long because a few weeks after I started, covid happened. Whenever churches opened back up again I was asked to be a part of this church youth leadership team. It was basically just a group of students who met once a week to come together and create the best environment for the other youth programs at my church. I really enjoyed it because I felt like I was doing something really good for the students that were attending the church as me and I liked being a part of something so big.
The crazy part is that after being on that team for 5 months I was asked to be on staff at my church and run all of the online and social media for our middle school and high school environments. I felt so good about myself. I couldn’t believe that they would have picked me. I hold myself to such a high standard. I never viewed myself as a ‘good’ christian or someone that would be able to work in a church. This almost felt like one of those “good deeds” I was doing to feel good about myself. I even found myself competing with the person that had done this job prior to me. I fell into this unhealthy habit once again and was really just embarrassed that I felt like I had to do all of these good things to be viewed as a good person.
Why do people have to do good things to be a good person? Whenever we do good things, we feel confirmation in ourselves. For many people they feel like to be closer to God they have to do good works and be a good person. But that’s not always the case. It’s not about doing those good acts anymore, it’s about faith and belief in jesus. God is extending an invitation to everybody to stop carrying the burden you are carrying, wondering if you’ll ever be enough and come into his presence. When Jesus entered this world, and arrived sinless at the cross, willing to exchange his innocent life for yours, when he got to his last breath he didn’t say “I hope I’ve done enough”. He did not say “I hope it was good enough” “I tried my hardest”. When he got to the end and exchanged his life for you… he made the greatest statement of all time “It is finished”. And him coming back to life 3 days later proved he is who he claimed to be. Because I went to church with my friends my freshman year, to feel like I fit in, I now have the forever right standing with God and I know I will always be the best version of myself.
