If only she didn’t stop
Didn’t stop expressing her love for the little creatures of the earth
Didn’t stop telling me to mind the snails slipping across the concrete of our doorstep.
If only she still told me
Still told me that I’m lucky whenever she saw a ladybug among the dew drops on the grass
Still told me when there was a butterfly fluttering behind us when walking in the park.
If only she brought me flowers again
Brought me dahlias on anniversaries, always freshly picked from her secret garden
Brought me marigolds whenever she could sense the apathy laced in my words.
If only she kept dreaming
Kept dreaming of what it must be like to walk among blades of grass towering like a forest
Kept dreaming of visiting the annual poppy festival to see sprawling California fields filled with blooms anew.
If only she continued
Continued to stare at me as if there were shooting stars gliding through my eyes
Continued to wish to be reincarnated as an orchid mantis; a combination of her two favorite things.
If only she wanted to
Wanted to not stop
Wanted to tell me
Wanted to bring me flowers
Wanted to keep dreaming
Wanted to continue.
If only she didn’t leave.
If only she didn’t go without me.
If only she didn’t go see the poppies
With someone else.
